Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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