So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
