there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
