I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
