I have demons in me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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