Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
