Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
