another moral hangover. fuck.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
