the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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