the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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