I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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