u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
