Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
