I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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