Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
