yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
