I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize