You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
