you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Michael Bay diarrhea
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
