New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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