Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
