my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
