I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
