Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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