Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
