I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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