WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
