nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
