You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
