My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and she was petting her beer can
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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