apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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