They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
