Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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