I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize