he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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