My balls are so social today.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
