hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
