Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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