Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
