Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
