i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
