I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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