we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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