On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
