Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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