2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
