She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
one might say we're banned from that church
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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