We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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