My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
