it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
