Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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