I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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