I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
