So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
