Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I AM VODKA MAN
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize