While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
