ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
