so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
