reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
