Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
