'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
