i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
