Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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