Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
